So during dance practice at church, I was in the kitchen with Khanh, Tu, and Kim. Then Dang came in got a drink we talked. Sooner, Dang was like "Do you know what it feels like to be fat, Helen?" Tu asked what he said and Dang lied and said, "I said that Kim, Khanh and Helen are fat." Then Khanh just corrected her, I totally wish she didn't do that. Plus that just totally stopped me. I rush to the bathroom, slammed the toilet seat down, sat there and cry. I ask God numerous why questions and weeped. What kind of Christian would make fun of me? Especially a Christian leader, Dang is the leader for our teen class and that's the example he's giving to everyone? Like seriously, just because I'm so called 'big boned' doesn't mean I'm not self conscious about my weight. I seriously wish I could just disappear from this earth and into God's hands due to my weight. There's nothing else I could do about it than just exercising and eat small portions, but then again my mom makes me eat when I don't want to. Plus there is times where we're eating in church and randomly they say, "Wow you're so fat." (Well not to me) Or "Look at my tummy, I'm fat." I pretend not to pay attention, but it's so hard. I know God is always there with me, and he puts me in that situation for a purpose, but I can't handle it. I seriously can't, I feel so secure and I can't take it, I mean I want to be thinner. I want to accept myself for the first time. I want to feel good. &It just goes on and on ..
Why can't I?
So, we all went to the beach, and it was pretty fun. The beach water was dirty, but it's alright. Then after, I went to church because I thought there was service. There wasn't any, so I decided to stay and watch the band practice. Right after practice, we went out to eat at Bolansa? (I think) I had a blast in Tu's car. It was interesting listening to her and her story about God and such. Then while we were eating, A. Dinh and Dang started telling us their past, and it was hilarious. Haha, I can't believe Tu knew each other since they were little. I'm glad I went to church, and decide to stay instead of calling my mom to pick my mom again. (:
